so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
