Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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