i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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