may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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