Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I party with great urgency now.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
