mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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