thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
