RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize