the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
