ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
