I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
