She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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