Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
