smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
You made out with two different species that night
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
