I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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