it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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