I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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