hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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