youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
