Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'm sobbing to NWA
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
