Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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