Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
