Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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