Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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