this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
We left an ass print on the piano.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
