Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
