apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
