Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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