ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
