normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
