nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
