i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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