So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
