FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
