I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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