She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
