someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
