Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
he puts the penis in happiness.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
