I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
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