Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
