so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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