"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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