after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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