so that wasnt chicken after all
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
