If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
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