and you said cock pushups were impossible
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
