Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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