he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
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I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
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After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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