our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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