I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
