ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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