hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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