She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
