hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
