I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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