I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
wrigley field is MILF paradise
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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