this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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