i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
And then he peed in my hair
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