Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Pooping to opera.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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