6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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