First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
