I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Randomize
