Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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