I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
