my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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