Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
