So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
