just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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