My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Randomize
