dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize