nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
