just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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