I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
