I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Randomize
