Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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