I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
