The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize