I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Ketchup is God's man juice
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I want to fling myself into the sun
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
