Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Sext me about skeletons
Randomize
