I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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