I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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